Was I borned or adopted?

When our oldest daughter was about 4 years old she asked me this question out of the blue one day. “Mommy, was I borned or adopted?” Another one of those questions I was not ready for. And I challenge you to look for it in any parent or adoption manual. Trust me, it won’t be there.

Amanda0003When I talk to “parents to be” about adoption, one of the topics I most like to talk about is when to tell your child they’re adopted. I find it interesting that this is part of the home study assessment. That question never crossed my mind prior to our first adoption. I figured I’d always tell him or her from the beginning. That’s one secret it would be impossible to keep hidden. And why would you want to? After all, it’s their story and a huge part of who they are. It’s that nature vs. nurture thing – something else covered in the home study.

Now back to the original question I was asked. I know you are all waiting with bated breath (I have no idea what that means) as to how I answered the question. I first paused for a moment to think (remember to answer in a language and a way she will understand for her age). “Well, you were born AND you were adopted. Remember, you grew in your birth mother’s tummy and then your daddy and I adopted you.”

“I wish I had grown in your tummy,” came her sweet reply. “I do too, sweetie. But then you wouldn’t be who you are.”

Wow! Two birds with one stone – a talk about being adopted AND about nature vs. nurture. It was a “hallmark moment”…



About RealMomx2

I honestly don't like to talk about myself, and I have started trying to write something here about four times. Each time everything I say seems so lame. I'm surprised I haven't erased this yet. The name "RealMomx2" came about from wanting people to understand that just because I am an adoptive mom, doesn't mean I'm not a real mom. I can't tell you how many times my oldest daughter was asked about her "real mom". It brought out a side in me that wanted to immediately educate people on adoption or suggest they go back to kindergarten and learn basic manners. I write from my heart and from personal experience. I'm passionate about adoption. I'm blessed everyday to be called "momma". I am a woman of faith. I am loved by my heavenly Father unconditionally. He knows my failures, my achievements, my true motives, my insecurities... and He still loves me. Who could ask for more? If you'd like to know where I've worked and what I've done you can connect with me on LinkedIn.

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